Relationships

I'm lonely

Q: I am 25 and used to have a good circle of friends to do things with. That's all changed. Most of my girlfriends have boyfriends and don't call me like they used to. Sometimes I can feel quite lonely, especially at the weekends.

A: People’s lives can change a lot around this time. You haven’t lost your girlfriends, it’s just they have other competing priorities. You may have to make a bit of an effort to reconnect. You could perhaps invite them and their boyfriends to a party or picnic. Once you’ve reestablished contact, ring them fortnightly for a while afterwards to help cement the relationships. You could also explore ways to meet new people. Join a club or take up a new interest e.g. book club, dancing lessons, walking or exercise group, cooking class. Study Overcoming Shyness and Feelings of Inadequacy in my book or CD, You Can Communicate.

  

Our marriage has lost its spark

Q: All the magic and spontaneity seem to have gone out of our marriage. I love my wife but after 25 years together, we’ve got into a rut. What can we do to get the spark back?

A: A relationship must be fed regularly or it becomes stale, just as you’re experiencing. To keep your relationship alive, make quality time for each other. Sit down together and communicate EVERY DAY without fail, for at least half an hour. Really be there for each other. Share your thoughts and feelings, always keeping your communication positive.

Iris welcomes your questions but cannot give you personal answers or guarantee that your question will be answered on this website. Questions may be edited to protect the writer’s identity. Responses should under no circumstances replace medical, counselling, legal or other appropriate professional advice.